Preventative Maintenance Marriage Series: Great is not by Accident

Here’s the first installment in our series of takeaways from my marriage intensive.

Side Note: If you ever go on a marriage intensive, do not call it an intensive. Call it a marriage retreat. Otherwise, People start asking if you are having marriage troubles and you have to convince them you are really fine.

Intensive Takeaway no. 1

Great marriage doesn’t happen by accident.

Something we wanted out of the intensive was to learn how to connect spiritually. We are great at spending time with God individually, and great at praying for others, but it was something we had never figured out how to do together. We even voiced that to each other before the intensive.

And… that was it.

We sat around waiting for something to happen, or for us to suddenly become more spiritual.

Surprisingly, nothing happened.

The advice we got? Set up a time on your calendar that you are going to get together to worship God and pray for one another. Because, if you want something to happen you have got to make time for it.

Seemed simple enough….

So, we set up weekly (because weekly works for us) “meetings” where we would intentionally get together to pray and worship.

Honestly, it was super awkward at first.
First few meetings went something like this:

“So, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Shouldn’t we pray for something or each other… Or something.”

“Um, sure. Should we have music on? Or… Well, what do you need prayer for?

“Uhhhh, I don’t know. Do you want to start?”

“Sure. I’ll start….. What do you need prayer for?”

Can’t you just see the spirit moving powerfully in this conversation?

The whole thing felt unnatural and awkward for a while. But, after a while we got the hang of it and a better idea of what our rhythm was like. And now, those meetings are some of the most life-giving times in my week.

The lesson: If you want it, make time for it. Set time aside to connect and make that time a priority.

If you want to be better at sharing your feelings. Make time for it.
If you want your family to be more planned out. Make time for it.
If you want to dream together. Make time for it.

You are already doing everything you would naturally do in your marriage. If you want more out of it, then it’s time to get unnatural. Be awkward, and start moving toward the marriage you’ve always wanted. It will be worth it…trust me.

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